There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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