Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
