Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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