Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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