Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
