Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
