it hurts more in the daytime
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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