How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
