that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
