Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
