I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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