just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
