i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize