a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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