I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
