Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
