he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
