in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
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They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
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! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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