I wish my penis had an off switch
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I pour the whiskey from now on
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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