Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
