and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
