i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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