Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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