with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
