PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
