is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
