just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We named our party play list daddy issues
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
