Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
COCAINE IS GR8
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
