No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She needs sedatives and a leash
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
