do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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