Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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