Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
