WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
