some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
