16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
