So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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