as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
