love makes seman taste better
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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