NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
