Texts From Last Night

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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?

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  (225): he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel? http://tfl.nu/f7r7
  Replies (40) Good night (1297) Bad night (3388)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.

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  (972): And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P. http://tfl.nu/17d7
  Replies (27) Good night (952) Bad night (2876)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.

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  (701): I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America. http://tfl.nu/w2zj
  Replies (19) Good night (4391) Bad night (1407)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?

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  (773): How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom? http://tfl.nu/o0zg
  Replies (42) Good night (2054) Bad night (5621)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night

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  (440): It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night http://tfl.nu/ffc5
  Replies (17) Good night (1169) Bad night (2495)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am

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  (703): She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am http://tfl.nu/kql6
  Replies (10) Good night (1025) Bad night (4123)
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  (925): View more from California

  I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??

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  (925): I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing?? http://tfl.nu/da8e
  Replies (14) Good night (3799) Bad night (971)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on

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  (604): This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on http://tfl.nu/bpc0
  Replies (5) Good night (2401) Bad night (1030)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?

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  (978): Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th? http://tfl.nu/27j9
  Replies (12) Good night (3408) Bad night (934)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.

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  (970): I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk. http://tfl.nu/5c91
  Replies (11) Good night (1290) Bad night (542)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid

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  (732): So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid http://tfl.nu/ju72
  Replies (5) Good night (627) Bad night (1418)
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  (760): View more from California

  Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.

  (818): View more from California

  That was one of the best texts I got today

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  (760): Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner. (818): That was one of the best texts I got today http://tfl.nu/vb5p
  Replies (7) Good night (1852) Bad night (515)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.

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  (412): I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA. http://tfl.nu/jgm4
  Replies (2) Good night (853) Bad night (457)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel

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  (818): 10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel http://tfl.nu/j64y
  Replies (2) Good night (563) Bad night (200)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up

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  (403): if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up http://tfl.nu/wnj1
  Replies (2) Good night (220) Bad night (250)

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