your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.