you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
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We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
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I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.