Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad