MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
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Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.