Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.