actually, I'm a sock model
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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