I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.