taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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