It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Everclear isn't food dammit
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
