counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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