I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
