The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
