i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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