Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
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