dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
