the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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