ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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