I just saw a hot homeless man
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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