youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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