i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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