My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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