I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
