I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
So squirting runs in the family.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
