he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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